Thursday, March 11, 2010
week 4: thursday
Now I've left rehearsals altogether...and feel a bit naked, somehow.
In London to speak at a public meeting organised by Amnesty on religious fundamentalism and freedom of expression.
I was nervous before hand. I'd forgotten how unpleasant a physical sensation fear is.
but it went well, as these things do, because I sem to find speaking in public easier and easier.
I feel confident, wholly present, relaxed, I can even crack jokes...
and I look at myself in some wonder and think: how can this be?
But how wonderful that it is...
Now I've left rehearsals altogether...and feel a bit naked, somehow.
In London to speak at a public meeting organised by Amnesty on religious fundamentalism and freedom of expression.
I was nervous before hand. I'd forgotten how unpleasant a physical sensation fear is.
but it went well, as these things do, because I sem to find speaking in public easier and easier.
I feel confident, wholly present, relaxed, I can even crack jokes...
and I look at myself in some wonder and think: how can this be?
But how wonderful that it is...
Labels: week 4: thursday
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Week 4: wednesday.
In one sense I really have very little to do in rehearsals any more.
Sometime I add or remove a word. Today, I think, I also consented that a fullstop be replaced by a question mark.
But that doesn't make it any easier to be there.
The actors are suffering just now because they're not yet completely on top of their lines.
Now this really has nothing to do with me: but i can't stop myself feeling responsible.
Just as I worry about whether the play will be a success for the theatre or not.
Or the effect it will have on the audience who come.
I could get really absurd about all this, as if I have to support the whole theatre like Atlas on my shoulders.
And I can forget how much we all laugh sometimes; or the fierce joy involved in the collective creation of something worthwhile.
And afterwords I have to say I had to force myself a bit to a training session of volunteers for CRUSE, the bereavement counselling charity, where I was due to be speaking.
A CRUSE counsellor helped me hugely after Susie's death; and it was good to pay a little of that back.
Also it was such a pleasure to be in the company of such dedicated and caring people.
I staggered back, still weary, but pleased that i did that.
In one sense I really have very little to do in rehearsals any more.
Sometime I add or remove a word. Today, I think, I also consented that a fullstop be replaced by a question mark.
But that doesn't make it any easier to be there.
The actors are suffering just now because they're not yet completely on top of their lines.
Now this really has nothing to do with me: but i can't stop myself feeling responsible.
Just as I worry about whether the play will be a success for the theatre or not.
Or the effect it will have on the audience who come.
I could get really absurd about all this, as if I have to support the whole theatre like Atlas on my shoulders.
And I can forget how much we all laugh sometimes; or the fierce joy involved in the collective creation of something worthwhile.
And afterwords I have to say I had to force myself a bit to a training session of volunteers for CRUSE, the bereavement counselling charity, where I was due to be speaking.
A CRUSE counsellor helped me hugely after Susie's death; and it was good to pay a little of that back.
Also it was such a pleasure to be in the company of such dedicated and caring people.
I staggered back, still weary, but pleased that i did that.
Labels: week 4: thursday
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