Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Week 3: Wednesday.
I spent most of the morning with my mother-in-law.
She had a couple of hospital appointments, and I went with her. The western General is a bewildering kind of place, and it's good to help her through it.
She has a love of life and an admirable courage in the face of death... and I have told her I cannot go on living as a man. That I am not John any more.
But she also has an ability not to look at aspects of life that disturb her, and because she is 85 and pretty frail and certainly vulnerable I am reluctant to challenge her.
But tn she insists on calling me John and thinking of me as her son-in-law.
And this, in a public space, causes me intense discomfort.
It's a problem I can't yet resolve; and after hours of it, it's a great relief to be out of it, and my own dear real self, and in rehearsal again.
And especially today: yesterday's crises seem to be over and I can look and listen to the text and know it is OK.
I can relax about it.
Or at least Act One.
I spent most of the morning with my mother-in-law.
She had a couple of hospital appointments, and I went with her. The western General is a bewildering kind of place, and it's good to help her through it.
She has a love of life and an admirable courage in the face of death... and I have told her I cannot go on living as a man. That I am not John any more.
But she also has an ability not to look at aspects of life that disturb her, and because she is 85 and pretty frail and certainly vulnerable I am reluctant to challenge her.
But tn she insists on calling me John and thinking of me as her son-in-law.
And this, in a public space, causes me intense discomfort.
It's a problem I can't yet resolve; and after hours of it, it's a great relief to be out of it, and my own dear real self, and in rehearsal again.
And especially today: yesterday's crises seem to be over and I can look and listen to the text and know it is OK.
I can relax about it.
Or at least Act One.
Labels: week 3 day 3
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